It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and even if you’re not into love, romance and all that kissy stuff, you’ll still love to laugh at these funny Valentine’s Day jokes.
A book never written: “Guide to Love” by Val N. Tines.
Submitted by Grant W., Pittsburgh, Pa.
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the lady said, “Pardon?”
Submitted by Vincent F., Manchester, Mo.
Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.
Submitted by Travis R. G.
A book never written: “Avoiding Valentine’s Day” by I.M.N. Love.
Submitted by Josh G., Portland, Ore.
Tom Swiftie: “Let’s make our own Valentines,” Tom said craftily.
Submitted by Kevin A., Winston-Salem, N.C.
Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half-heartedly.
Submitted by Alexander V., Hamden, Conn.
A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
Submitted by Michael J., West Simsbury, Conn.
A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.” The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket. “Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?” “I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!”
Submitted by Brad S., San Antonio, Tex.
Craig: Why do melons have to get married in churches?
Craig: Because they cantaloupe!
Submitted by August R., Bridgeville, Pa.
Justin: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?
John: I haven’t a clue.
Justin: “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.”
Submitted by Justin R., Hampton Falls, N.H.
Tobin: What happened to your leg?
Matt: I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day.
Matt: I pulled a mussel!
Submitted by Matt K., Omaha, Neb.
Ben: What did one magnet say to the other magnet on Valentine’s Day?
Finn: I have no idea. What?
Ben: “I find you very attractive!”
Submitted by Ben M., Doylestown, Pa.
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