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12 funny Valentine’s Day jokes

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and even if you’re not into love, romance and all that kissy stuff, you’ll still love to laugh at these funny Valentine’s Day jokes.


A book never written: “Guide to Love” by Val N. Tines.

Submitted by Grant W., Pittsburgh, Pa.

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.  At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.  Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”  And the lady said, “Pardon?”

Submitted by Vincent F., Manchester, Mo.

Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.

Submitted by Travis R. G.

A book never written: “Avoiding Valentine’s Day” by I.M.N. Love.

Submitted by Josh G., Portland, Ore.

Tom Swiftie: “Let’s make our own Valentines,” Tom said craftily.

Submitted by Kevin A., Winston-Salem, N.C.

Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half-heartedly.

Submitted by Alexander V., Hamden, Conn.

A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

Submitted by Michael J., West Simsbury, Conn.

A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.” The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket. “Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?” “I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!”

Submitted by Brad S., San Antonio, Tex.

Craig: Why do melons have to get married in churches?
Joe: Why?
Craig: Because they cantaloupe!

Submitted by August R., Bridgeville, Pa.

Justin: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?
John: I haven’t a clue.
Justin: “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.”

Submitted by Justin R., Hampton Falls, N.H.

Tobin: What happened to your leg?
Matt: I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day.
Tobin: And?
Matt: I pulled a mussel!

Submitted by Matt K., Omaha, Neb.

Ben: What did one magnet say to the other magnet on Valentine’s Day?
Finn: I have no idea. What?
Ben: “I find you very attractive!”

Submitted by Ben M., Doylestown, Pa.

Do you know a funny Valentine’s Day joke? Click here to send your joke to us.

31 Comments on 12 funny Valentine’s Day jokes

  1. I like Vincent’s & Micheal’s joke.

  2. I like the cub Scout one :D

  3. We enjoyed these. Thank You For Sharing!

  4. I love these so much great job 😁😅

  5. I like the frog one best!

  6. What did bob say to billy? I WANT PIZZA!

    • JoeJoeJumpingBean👀 // February 5, 2015 at 6:39 pm // Reply

      I ❤️ these jokes!!!!!! (Especially the one with woman who had dream and the 🐸 one!)
      THANK YOU 😜😜

  7. Mr. Laughs A. Lot // February 7, 2014 at 5:39 pm // Reply

    Outstanding jokes! I know my second graders will love them. Please accept my “heart”-felt thanks.

  8. funny

  9. Michael Jackson (or just J) had the only good joke

  10. I like 2,3, and 7 the best!!!


  12. Funny yay

  13. Boring

  14. My FAKE Name // February 12, 2013 at 1:25 pm // Reply

    Those are all very boring…. I thought these were going to be hilarious. They’re all just stupid.

  15. The first one is my favorite.

  16. Vincent’s joke is the best.

  17. nice jokes

  18. i liked the one Vincent F sent in. It’s awsome!!!!

  19. The one that Miechal J. sent was absolutely hilarious!!! I read it like 7 times!! It never gets old. :)

  20. Too Boring….:(

  21. very….boring!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. crazy boy in love // February 5, 2013 at 8:45 pm // Reply

    i love the one michael J. submitted

  23. Jokes were hilarious. They were nice and clean, thank you for those.

  24. BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Valentine’s Day(better known as single awareness day!!)

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