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35 funny Halloween jokes

Happy Halloween! Here are 35 funny Halloween jokes by Boys’ Life readers that will make you scream with laughter. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send it in.

pumpkin


Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.


Brett: What do mummies like listening to?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio


Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.


Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.


Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Submitted by Maxwell C.


Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.


Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.


Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.


Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.


Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.


Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.


Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio


Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.


Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.


Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.


A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.


Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.


Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.


Jack: Whom do monsters buy their cookies from?
Jill: Who?
Jack: The Ghoul Scouts.
Submitted by Jack R., Lake Villa, Ill.


Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.


Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.


Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.


Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.


A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.


Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.


Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.


Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.


Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.


Daffynition: Retreat—To get another piece of candy.
Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.


Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.


Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

266 Comments on 35 funny Halloween jokes

  1. I think these are hilarious

  2. i didnt find any of them funny!!1

  3. These jokes are absolutely rubbish there for 1 year olds even if they could red them!!!

  4. amazing i will use some of the jokes to night when i go trickof treating

  5. To Bob – theyre kid jokes. Get a life.

  6. these are not funny

  7. i think there all very funny and i especially like the one by Billy J., Hershey, Pa , about one women rolled her eyes and a guy and his friend said “be a gentilman and roll them back!” hahahaha i might use that one because it is halloween today !!!!! whoooooooooop
    i`m sooooo excited xx

  8. These are hilarious!!! Hahahaha ….. pumpkin<<<<<<<<

  9. GREAT JOKES for my Daughter’s 2nd grade class!!!!

  10. i think some of them are very stupid………n boring but some are good

  11. not that funny but alright

  12. these jokes are all really bad get a life

  13. hi im new this is funny

  14. sorry but these are NOT really funny at all accept 1
    which ghost is the best dancer
    i dont know
    the boogie man.

  15. Sweetblossem // October 31, 2012 at 2:37 am // Reply

    These jokes are suitable for mixed company of all ages. I am sharing them this Halloween. Thanks

  16. yes this a very good website

  17. These r lame.

  18. Great jokes :)

  19. Dwarf of Casmodan // October 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm // Reply

    Hay i know this does not relate to Halloween but wnat to hear a corny joke
    what does the farmer say? cow say moo get the joke is corny cause hi is a farmer

  20. what these halloween mean it halloween

  21. omg these were cute for a 3 year old

  22. Awsome jokes make some more please

  23. Just awsome jokes make som more there realy funny

  24. a will use some of these jokes to take into school! to share on Halloween!!! :)

  25. Nice job on the joke

  26. Why dont chickis cross the rode
    There chicks

  27. I am not trying to be a hater but I don,t think there funny at all that is just my idea

    • crazy zombie // October 31, 2012 at 6:52 am // Reply

      in my opinion and im not trying to be a hater but these jokes arnt very funny this my opinion only so u might think something else :)

  28. epical!

  29. awsome jokes

  30. I will use these for halloween because some are funny and some are great!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. happy hall o ween // October 30, 2012 at 3:00 am // Reply

    some are verry funny and some are just funny

  32. Some r cool some r boring. :) :(

  33. I’m sharing these jokes. Loved them. I’m sure I’ll gets lots of groans.

  34. lots of laughts // October 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm // Reply

    Sum were real cute and funny!! More please!

  35. funny

  36. y now they are not funny AT ALL!!!

  37. awsom jokes keep em comin

  38. Love jokes to write for the kids lunch notes

  39. There alright, but my favourite one is this one ‘Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
    Nolan: I don’t know.
    Brandon: The Boogie Man!’ soo funny, my stomach hurt so much for laughingg:))

  40. Error:No name // October 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm // Reply

    What do zombies put on their mashed patotoes? GRAVEy.
    oh i love that one :)

  41. monkey lee 11 // October 28, 2012 at 6:23 pm // Reply

    heres one
    knock knock
    whos there?
    norma lee
    norma lee who?
    norma lee i dont knock at your door

  42. The lamest jokes in the world. How dumb.

  43. funny very funny

  44. i love these

  45. Enjoyed reading these to my kids!

  46. PopcornQueen // October 26, 2012 at 7:56 am // Reply

    My son loves these jokes. The first thing he runs to read when he receives his Boy’s Life Magazine are the jokes. Keep them all coming…Awesome job boys!!!

  47. Cook me a hamburger Count Spatula!

  48. ha ha ha ha! nice jokes

  49. not funny AT ALL!

  50. awesome!

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