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35 funny Halloween jokes


Happy Halloween! Here are 35 funny Halloween jokes by Boys’ Life readers that will make you scream with laughter. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send it in.

pumpkin


Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.


Brett: What do mummies like listening to?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio


Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.


Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.


Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Submitted by Maxwell C.


Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.


Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.


Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.


Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.


Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.


Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.


Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio


Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.


Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.


Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.


A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.


Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.


Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.


Jack: Whom do monsters buy their cookies from?
Jill: Who?
Jack: The Ghoul Scouts.
Submitted by Jack R., Lake Villa, Ill.


Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.


Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.


Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.


Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.


A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.


Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.


Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.


Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.


Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.


Daffynition: Retreat—To get another piece of candy.
Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.


Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.


Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

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Comments about “35 funny Halloween jokes”

  1. Rj Wiki says:

    I think these are hilarious

  2. Katie says:

    i didnt find any of them funny!!1

  3. LOL says:

    These jokes are absolutely rubbish there for 1 year olds even if they could red them!!!

  4. aj says:

    amazing i will use some of the jokes to night when i go trickof treating

  5. Fred says:

    To Bob – theyre kid jokes. Get a life.

  6. immathug says:

    these are not funny

  7. megamaster says:

    i think there all very funny and i especially like the one by Billy J., Hershey, Pa , about one women rolled her eyes and a guy and his friend said “be a gentilman and roll them back!” hahahaha i might use that one because it is halloween today !!!!! whoooooooooop
    i`m sooooo excited xx

  8. Shannon says:

    These are hilarious!!! Hahahaha ….. pumpkin<<<<<<<<

  9. Pepper says:

    GREAT JOKES for my Daughter’s 2nd grade class!!!!

  10. bob says:

    i think some of them are very stupid………n boring but some are good

  11. epicly not says:

    not that funny but alright

  12. not telling says:

    these jokes are all really bad get a life

  13. ash says:

    hi im new this is funny

  14. lola says:

    sorry but these are NOT really funny at all accept 1
    which ghost is the best dancer
    i dont know
    the boogie man.

  15. Sweetblossem says:

    These jokes are suitable for mixed company of all ages. I am sharing them this Halloween. Thanks

  16. haloween says:

    yes this a very good website

  17. Nickname says:

    These r lame.

  18. alex says:

    Great jokes :)

  19. Dwarf of Casmodan says:

    Hay i know this does not relate to Halloween but wnat to hear a corny joke
    what does the farmer say? cow say moo get the joke is corny cause hi is a farmer

  20. hannoush says:

    what these halloween mean it halloween

  21. pizzaa says:

    omg these were cute for a 3 year old

  22. Delaney says:

    Awsome jokes make some more please

  23. Bob says:

    Just awsome jokes make som more there realy funny

  24. awesome says:

    a will use some of these jokes to take into school! to share on Halloween!!! :)

  25. Austin says:

    Nice job on the joke

  26. B dog says:

    Why dont chickis cross the rode
    There chicks

  27. Pumpkin says:

    I am not trying to be a hater but I don,t think there funny at all that is just my idea

    • crazy zombie says:

      in my opinion and im not trying to be a hater but these jokes arnt very funny this my opinion only so u might think something else :)

  28. jblover says:

    awsome jokes

  29. niki says:

    I will use these for halloween because some are funny and some are great!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. happy hall o ween says:

    some are verry funny and some are just funny

  31. 'C' says:

    Some r cool some r boring. :) :(

  32. Kapton says:

    I’m sharing these jokes. Loved them. I’m sure I’ll gets lots of groans.

  33. lots of laughts says:

    Sum were real cute and funny!! More please!

  34. crystal says:

    y now they are not funny AT ALL!!!

  35. Cait says:

    awsom jokes keep em comin

  36. frenchie says:

    Love jokes to write for the kids lunch notes

  37. chocolate09 says:

    There alright, but my favourite one is this one ‘Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
    Nolan: I don’t know.
    Brandon: The Boogie Man!’ soo funny, my stomach hurt so much for laughingg:))

  38. Error:No name says:

    What do zombies put on their mashed patotoes? GRAVEy.
    oh i love that one :)

  39. monkey lee 11 says:

    heres one
    knock knock
    whos there?
    norma lee
    norma lee who?
    norma lee i dont knock at your door

  40. OMG says:

    The lamest jokes in the world. How dumb.

  41. andrew says:

    funny very funny

  42. der says:

    i love these

  43. happy mom says:

    Enjoyed reading these to my kids!

  44. PopcornQueen says:

    My son loves these jokes. The first thing he runs to read when he receives his Boy’s Life Magazine are the jokes. Keep them all coming…Awesome job boys!!!

  45. DJ says:

    Cook me a hamburger Count Spatula!

  46. Anonymous says:

    ha ha ha ha! nice jokes

  47. samurai says:

    not funny AT ALL!

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