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35 funny Halloween jokes

Happy Halloween! Here are 35 funny Halloween jokes by Boys’ Life readers that will make you scream with laughter. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send in your joke.

pumpkin


Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.


Brett: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio


Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.


halloween-1

By Daryll Collins


Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.


Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Submitted by Maxwell C.


Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.


Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.


halloween-2

By Scott Nickel


Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.


Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.


Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.


Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.


halloween-3

By Scott Nickel


Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio


Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.


Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.


Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.


halloween-4

By Jon Carter


A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.


Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.


Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks for Halloween?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


halloween-5

By Scott Nickel


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.


Jack: Whom do monsters buy their cookies from?
Jill: Who?
Jack: The Ghoul Scouts.
Submitted by Jack R., Lake Villa, Ill.


Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.


halloween-6

By Scott Nickel


Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.


Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.


Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.


A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.


halloween-7

By Scott Nickel


Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.


Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.


Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.


Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.


Daffynition: Retreat — To get another piece of candy on Halloween.
Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.


Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.


Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

29 Comments on 35 funny Halloween jokes

  1. Why dont chickis cross the rode
    There chicks

  2. I am not trying to be a hater but I don,t think there funny at all that is just my idea

    • crazy zombie // October 31, 2012 at 6:52 am // Reply

      in my opinion and im not trying to be a hater but these jokes arnt very funny this my opinion only so u might think something else:)

  3. epical!

  4. awsome jokes

  5. I will use these for halloween because some are funny and some are great!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. happy hall o ween // October 30, 2012 at 3:00 am // Reply

    some are verry funny and some are just funny

  7. Some r cool some r boring.:)😦

  8. I’m sharing these jokes. Loved them. I’m sure I’ll gets lots of groans.

  9. lots of laughts // October 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm // Reply

    Sum were real cute and funny!! More please!

  10. funny

  11. y now they are not funny AT ALL!!!

  12. awsom jokes keep em comin

  13. Love jokes to write for the kids lunch notes

  14. There alright, but my favourite one is this one ‘Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
    Nolan: I don’t know.
    Brandon: The Boogie Man!’ soo funny, my stomach hurt so much for laughingg:))

  15. Error:No name // October 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm // Reply

    What do zombies put on their mashed patotoes? GRAVEy.
    oh i love that one:)

  16. monkey lee 11 // October 28, 2012 at 6:23 pm // Reply

    heres one
    knock knock
    whos there?
    norma lee
    norma lee who?
    norma lee i dont knock at your door

  17. The lamest jokes in the world. How dumb.

  18. funny very funny

  19. i love these

  20. Enjoyed reading these to my kids!

  21. PopcornQueen // October 26, 2012 at 7:56 am // Reply

    My son loves these jokes. The first thing he runs to read when he receives his Boy’s Life Magazine are the jokes. Keep them all coming…Awesome job boys!!!

  22. Cook me a hamburger Count Spatula!

  23. ha ha ha ha! nice jokes

  24. not funny AT ALL!

  25. awesome!

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