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35 funny Halloween jokes

Happy Halloween! Here are 35 funny Halloween jokes by Boys’ Life readers that will make you scream with laughter. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send it in.


Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.

Brett: What do mummies like listening to?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio

Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.

Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.

Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Submitted by Maxwell C.

Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.

Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.

Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.

Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.

Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.

Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.

Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.

Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio

Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.

Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.

Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.

A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.

Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.

Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.

Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.

Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.

Jack: Whom do monsters buy their cookies from?
Jill: Who?
Jack: The Ghoul Scouts.
Submitted by Jack R., Lake Villa, Ill.

Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.

Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.

Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.

Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.

Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.

A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.

Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.

Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.

Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.

Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.

Daffynition: Retreat—To get another piece of candy.
Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.

Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.

Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

266 Comments on 35 funny Halloween jokes

  1. Boo for you. BOO!

  2. I love them.I told some to my family and they loved them.they all laughed

  3. haha – retreat. get it

  4. I’m gonna use some for my spooky birthday party!

  5. Doctorbanana // October 9, 2014 at 5:49 am // Reply

    These are corny. But the good kind of candy corn

  6. I like these jokes.

  7. These are pretty funny!

  8. OK, None of them actually made me laugh, but they are SUPER FUNNY

  9. Hahahaha Those are funny

  10. those are so funny

  11. These jokes made me crack up with the count spatula one there really funny

  12. smelly bum // March 18, 2014 at 3:31 am // Reply

    Awsome jokes they even made me scream!!!

  13. I’m sorry to ask this but ” can I borrow your face for Halloween

  14. too good..i like them!!!

  15. Haha so funny jokes but their funny :))))


  17. ausome those jokes are crasy i like the first one

  18. They are OK. I understood 96.5 percent of the jokes.

  19. Thank you so much! I used some on Facebook and people enjoyed them!

  20. some are good but some are not that good

  21. Most of the jokes are LAME but some of them are AWESOME

  22. I love all of those funny jokes please post more of them

  23. I think that they are really good

  24. Halloweenlover609 // October 31, 2013 at 11:26 am // Reply

    These jokes are good my fave was the vampires fave fruit necktarine

  25. Happy Halloween every body unless you are a ghost

  26. cool

  27. Like them a lot. Haven’t heard some of them before

  28. They were Corny but still funny

  29. Every one who posted these is awesome

  30. Some are funny

  31. Ghoulish Commish // October 30, 2013 at 7:27 pm // Reply

    Very funny. Happy Halloween !!!

  32. hahaha…lol

  33. mynameiswhat? // October 30, 2013 at 4:37 pm // Reply

    Some are stupid but some are actually funny!! If u thought they weren’t funny u obviously didnt get it

  34. Very funny !

  35. These jokes were pretty good! I like them!!!

  36. katiewatie10 // October 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm // Reply

    not too funny but they will do i guess!

  37. Jollytrumbone // October 30, 2013 at 1:57 pm // Reply

    I liked the : what do you call a vampie who lives in the kitchen

    Count spatula !!

  38. There awsome

  39. funny

  40. I like the big one next to the photo. :)

  41. Not so funny

  42. so not funny.

  43. Kinda funny

  44. cool

  45. I really liked those jokes.When me and my sister did them we were laughing a lot. All of these jokes were really,really funny.We loved them.

  46. I love those jokes

  47. purlewolfblood // October 26, 2013 at 2:15 am // Reply

    Good joke im using some fir halloween

  48. they are okay

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