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35 funny Halloween jokes


Happy Halloween! Here are 35 funny Halloween jokes by Boys’ Life readers that will make you scream with laughter. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send it in.

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Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.


Brett: What do mummies like listening to?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio


Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.


Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.


Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Submitted by Maxwell C.


Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.


Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.


Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.


Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.


Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.


Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.


Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio


Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.


Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.


Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.


A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.


Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.


Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.


Jack: Whom do monsters buy their cookies from?
Jill: Who?
Jack: The Ghoul Scouts.
Submitted by Jack R., Lake Villa, Ill.


Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.


Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.


Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.


Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.


A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.


Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.


Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.


Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.


Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.


Daffynition: Retreat—To get another piece of candy.
Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.


Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.


Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

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Comments about “35 funny Halloween jokes”

  1. Quarry says:

    Boo for you. BOO!

  2. Poopin says:

    I love them.I told some to my family and they loved them.they all laughed

  3. porker says:

    haha – retreat. get it

  4. BOO! says:

    I’m gonna use some for my spooky birthday party!

  5. Doctorbanana says:

    These are corny. But the good kind of candy corn

  6. Bella says:

    I like these jokes.

  7. X says:

    These are pretty funny!

  8. luke says:

    OK, None of them actually made me laugh, but they are SUPER FUNNY

  9. EG Cub Scout says:

    Hahahaha Those are funny

  10. LOL says:

    those are so funny

  11. Marie says:

    These jokes made me crack up with the count spatula one there really funny

  12. smelly bum says:

    Awsome jokes they even made me scream!!!

  13. Zachary says:

    I’m sorry to ask this but ” can I borrow your face for Halloween

  14. :) says:

    too good..i like them!!!

  15. Liam says:

    Haha so funny jokes but their funny :))))

  16. RADAR says:

    SUPER FUNNY JOKES PEEPS

  17. chill says:

    ausome those jokes are crasy i like the first one

  18. Cat Lover says:

    They are OK. I understood 96.5 percent of the jokes.

  19. BeeBee says:

    Thank you so much! I used some on Facebook and people enjoyed them!

  20. bob says:

    some are good but some are not that good

  21. tug says:

    Most of the jokes are LAME but some of them are AWESOME

  22. Branito says:

    I love all of those funny jokes please post more of them

  23. Milly says:

    I think that they are really good

  24. Halloweenlover609 says:

    These jokes are good my fave was the vampires fave fruit necktarine

  25. Beastwhip says:

    Happy Halloween every body unless you are a ghost

  26. mongoose says:

    cool

  27. forestry says:

    Like them a lot. Haven’t heard some of them before

  28. lol_ster says:

    They were Corny but still funny

  29. Troop 648 says:

    Every one who posted these is awesome

  30. Troop 648 says:

    Some are funny

  31. Ghoulish Commish says:

    Very funny. Happy Halloween !!!

  32. T183Scout says:

    hahaha…lol

  33. mynameiswhat? says:

    Some are stupid but some are actually funny!! If u thought they weren’t funny u obviously didnt get it

  34. Meggy says:

    Very funny !

  35. spaetzle says:

    These jokes were pretty good! I like them!!!

  36. katiewatie10 says:

    not too funny but they will do i guess!

  37. Jollytrumbone says:

    I liked the : what do you call a vampie who lives in the kitchen

    Count spatula !!

  38. Jonjo says:

    There awsome

  39. girly girl says:

    funny

  40. Idiot says:

    I like the big one next to the photo. :)

  41. Blaze says:

    Not so funny

  42. haha202 says:

    so not funny.

  43. Boo says:

    Kinda funny

  44. jolly100 says:

    cool

  45. emmy says:

    I really liked those jokes.When me and my sister did them we were laughing a lot. All of these jokes were really,really funny.We loved them.

  46. Emmy says:

    I love those jokes

  47. purlewolfblood says:

    Good joke im using some fir halloween

  48. porker says:

    they are okay

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