How do I submit an article?

Dear Pedro, I like your comics! I have two questions: How do I submit an article, and how do you make an alfalfa milkshake? Do alfalfa milkshakes really make you color blind?
– Chance C., Okinawa, Japan

All of our articles are commissioned, Chance. The Boss says we have high standards (I’m not sure how I got in here), so we let the professionals handle it. But we encourage you to submit jokes or items for “Hobby Hows,” “Collecting,” “Ask Us Anything!,” “Ask  the Gear Guy,” “Ask the Games Guru,” and the “Readers’ Page,” or nominate someone for “BL Headliners.” Oh, yeah, and let us know if your unit is planning a cool outing. Alfalfa milkshakes didn’t make me color blind, I was born that way. But The Boss says they’re awful, and I’m not to inflict them on anyone else. I think they’re yummy, and I’m off to have one now. Thanks for mentioning it.