Jokes
Joke of the Day
-- Submitted by Andrew B., Novi, Mich.:Jake: Why did the orange go to the hospital?
Harry: Why?
Jake: It wasn’t peeling well!
-- Submitted by Cole G., Omaha, Neb.:
A book never written: “Acting” by Ivana B. Astar.
-- Submitted by Jeff E., Collierville, Tenn.:
Chris: Why can’t a bicycle stand up?
Trey: You got me.
Chris: It’s two tired!
-- Submitted by Thomas G., Downers Grove, Ill.:
Warped Wiseman says: “Take all your tests in a restaurant. There, the customer is always right.”
-- Submitted by Austin L., Shickshinny, Pa.:
Ted: Knock, knock.
Wayne: Who’s there?
Ted: Ketchup.
Wayne: Ketchup, who?
Ted: Ketchup with me and I’ll tell you.
-- Submitted by Ray K., Cincinnati, Ohio:
A book never written: “I’m Not Bossy” by Dick Tator.
-- Submitted by Josiah N., Fairfax, Va.:
Josiah: Why was the broom late?
Ben: Tell me.
Josiah: It over-swept.
-- Submitted by Brendan G., Payson, Utah:
Warped Wiseman says: “He who runs in front of a car gets tired. He who runs behind gets exhausted.”
-- Submitted by James O., Bakersfield, Calif.:
Tom Swiftie: “Colorado joined the Union in 1876,” Tom stated.
-- Submitted by Matthew C., DeRidder, La.:
Matthew: What did the mother rope say to her child?
Jim: What?
Matthew: “Don’t be knotty.”
-- Submitted by Robert M., Jasper, Ga.:
Tom Swiftie: “I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.
-- Submitted by Robert H., La Crescenta, Calif.:
Robert: What Disney character likes to fix things?
Brandon: Tinkerbell!
-- Submitted by Daniel R., Bartlett, Tenn.:
A book never written: “How to Break Out of Jail” by Jimmy DeLocke and Howie Rann.
-- Submitted by Tony L., Spokane, Wash.:
Mark: Where do f ish keep their money?
Kevin: Where?
Mark: In a riverbank.
-- Submitted by Robert M., Jasper, Ga.:
Tom Swiftie: “Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.
-- Submitted by Brandon R., Morganton, N.C.:
Brandon: Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
Kaleb: Tell me.
Brandon: He needed a filling!
-- Submitted by Mitchell S., Cleveland, Mo.:
Joshua: A mosquito just bit me.
Ethan: Man, I hate those arithmetic bugs!
Joshua: Arithmetic bugs?
Ethan: Yeah, they add misery, subtract fun, divide attention and multiply quickly!
-- Submitted by Joseph B., Lakewood, Colo.:
Warped Wiseman wonders: “Why are apartments always built together?”
-- Submitted by Michael M., Marietta, Ga.:
Frank: What do you call a grizzly with no teeth?
Bob: I don’t know, what?
Frank: A gummy bear.
-- Submitted by Matthew C., DeRidder, La.:
Matthew: What do you get when you cross a camel with a cow?
Larry: A lumpy milkshake!
-- Submitted by Ethan H., Carterville, Ill.:
A book never written: “Stuck in Traffic” by Dee Lays.
-- Submitted by Kenneth R., Branchburg, N.J.:
Kenneth: What did one eye say to the other?
James: What?
Kenneth: “Between us, something smells.”
-- Submitted by Michael S., St. Louis, Mo.:
A book never written: “The Coldest Place on Earth” by Ann R. Ticka.
-- Submitted by Stuart W., Santa Cruz, Calif.:
Stuart: What do you do if there’s a fly in the room?
William: What?
Stuart: Call the S.W.A.T. team.
-- Submitted by Greg F., Dayton, Ohio:
Lily: What do you call a formal dance with chickens?
Lenny: I don’t know. What?
Lily: A “fowl ball.”
-- Submitted by Keagan M., Elmira, N.Y.:
A book never written: “What You Need to Pass P.E.” by Jim Shorts.
-- Submitted by Zoltan S., Bethesda, Md.:
Zoltan: Why did the student eat his homework?
Jay: Why?
Zoltan: It was a piece of cake.
-- Submitted by Joseph F., North Tonawanda, N.Y.:
A book never written: “How to Survive School” by Cole Edge.
-- Submitted by Trey D., Ringgold, Ga.:
Trey: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Brandon: I give up.
Trey: Frostbite.
-- Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.:
A book never written: “Pirate Gold” by Barry D. Treasure.
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