Jokes

Joke of the Day

-- Submitted by Andrew B., Novi, Mich.:

Jake: Why did the orange go to the hospital?
Harry: Why?
Jake: It wasn’t peeling well!

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-- Submitted by Cole G., Omaha, Neb.:

A book never written: “Acting” by Ivana B. Astar.

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-- Submitted by Jeff E., Collierville, Tenn.:

Chris: Why can’t a bicycle stand up?
Trey: You got me.
Chris: It’s two tired!

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-- Submitted by Thomas G., Downers Grove, Ill.:

Warped Wiseman says: “Take all your tests in a restaurant. There, the customer is always right.”

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-- Submitted by Austin L., Shickshinny, Pa.:

Ted: Knock, knock.
Wayne: Who’s there?
Ted: Ketchup.
Wayne: Ketchup, who?
Ted: Ketchup with me and I’ll tell you.

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-- Submitted by Ray K., Cincinnati, Ohio:

A book never written: “I’m Not Bossy” by Dick Tator.

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-- Submitted by Josiah N., Fairfax, Va.:

Josiah: Why was the broom late?
Ben: Tell me.
Josiah: It over-swept.

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-- Submitted by Brendan G., Payson, Utah:

Warped Wiseman says: “He who runs in front of a car gets tired. He who runs behind gets exhausted.”

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-- Submitted by James O., Bakersfield, Calif.:

Tom Swiftie: “Colorado joined the Union in 1876,” Tom stated.

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-- Submitted by Matthew C., DeRidder, La.:

Matthew: What did the mother rope say to her child?
Jim: What?
Matthew: “Don’t be knotty.”

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-- Submitted by Robert M., Jasper, Ga.:

Tom Swiftie: “I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

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-- Submitted by Robert H., La Crescenta, Calif.:

Robert: What Disney character likes to fix things?
Brandon: Tinkerbell!

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-- Submitted by Daniel R., Bartlett, Tenn.:

A book never written: “How to Break Out of Jail” by Jimmy DeLocke and Howie Rann.

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-- Submitted by Tony L., Spokane, Wash.:

Mark: Where do f ish keep their money?
Kevin: Where?
Mark: In a riverbank.

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-- Submitted by Robert M., Jasper, Ga.:

Tom Swiftie: “Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

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-- Submitted by Brandon R., Morganton, N.C.:

Brandon: Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
Kaleb: Tell me.
Brandon: He needed a filling!

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-- Submitted by Mitchell S., Cleveland, Mo.:

Joshua:  A mosquito just bit me.
Ethan: Man, I hate those arithmetic bugs!
Joshua: Arithmetic bugs?
Ethan: Yeah, they add misery, subtract fun, divide attention and multiply quickly!

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-- Submitted by Joseph B., Lakewood, Colo.:

Warped Wiseman wonders: “Why are apartments always built together?”

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-- Submitted by Michael M., Marietta, Ga.:

Frank: What do you call a grizzly with no teeth?
Bob: I don’t know, what?
Frank: A gummy bear.

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-- Submitted by Matthew C., DeRidder, La.:

Matthew: What do you get when you cross a camel with a cow?
Larry: A lumpy milkshake!

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-- Submitted by Ethan H., Carterville, Ill.:

A book never written: “Stuck in Traffic” by Dee Lays.

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-- Submitted by Kenneth R., Branchburg, N.J.:

Kenneth: What did one eye say to the other?
James: What?
Kenneth: “Between us, something smells.”

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-- Submitted by Michael S., St. Louis, Mo.:

A book never written: “The Coldest Place on Earth” by Ann R. Ticka.

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-- Submitted by Stuart W., Santa Cruz, Calif.:

Stuart: What do you do if there’s a fly in the room?
William: What?
Stuart: Call the S.W.A.T. team.

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-- Submitted by Greg F., Dayton, Ohio:

Lily: What do you call a formal dance with chickens?
Lenny: I don’t know. What?
Lily: A “fowl ball.”

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-- Submitted by Keagan M., Elmira, N.Y.:

A book never written: “What You Need to Pass P.E.” by Jim Shorts.

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-- Submitted by Zoltan S., Bethesda, Md.:

Zoltan: Why did the student eat his homework?
Jay: Why?
Zoltan: It was a piece of cake.

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-- Submitted by Joseph F., North Tonawanda, N.Y.:

A book never written: “How to Survive School” by Cole Edge.

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-- Submitted by Trey D., Ringgold, Ga.:

Trey: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Brandon: I give up.
Trey: Frostbite.

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-- Submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.:

A book never written: “Pirate Gold” by Barry D. Treasure.

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