JOKES
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Joke of the DayA book never written: “Aquatic Reptiles” by Allie Gator.
Submitted by Alex O., Cypress, Calif.
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Tyler: What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
Dave: Tell me.
Tyler: Floodlights!
Submitted by Tyler T., Foresthill, Calif.
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Jose: Knock, knock.
Julio: Who’s there?
Jose: Emma.
Julio: Emma, who?
Jose: Emma bit cold out here—will you let me in?
Submitted by Jose F., Huntington Beach, Calif.
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A book never written: “The Hardy Boys” by Mr. E. Ryder.
Submitted by Stephen H., Phoenix, Ariz.
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A man goes into a pet shop looking for a hard-working pet to do his chores. The owner says, “This centipede is the hardest worker you’ve ever seen.” The man buys the centipede. When he gets home, he says, “Centipede, go clean the living room!” Fifteen minutes later, the living room is clean. Next he says, “Centipede, go clean the kitchen!” Fifteen minutes later, the kitchen is sparkling. Then he says, “Centipede, go to the curb and get my newspaper!” After an hour of waiting, the man goes to the door and finds the centipede is still there. “Centipede, I told you an hour ago to go get my paper!" “I know,” the centipede says, “I’m still tying my shoes!”
Submitted by Marshall L., Cleves, Ohio
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Warped Wiseman wonders: “If people go to the gym to exercise, why do they fight for a parking spot close to the front door?”
Submitted by Aaron M., Birmingham, Ala.
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Fred: Did you hear about the wig factory truck that crashed?
Barney: No, what happened?
Fred: I don’t know, but police are still combing the area!
Submitted by Cayman K., Hayden, Idaho
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A book never written: “Physical Education” by Jim Nasium.
Submitted by Maximillian J., Ligonier, Pa.
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Joey: The cure you suggested didn’t work.
Doctor: Did you drink a glass of milk after a hot bath?
Joey: I couldn’t. After drinking the hot bath, I didn’t feel like having any milk.
Submitted by Maria W., Juneau, Alaska
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Dan: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Derek: Yeah, that yolk always cracks me up!
Submitted by Dan H., Beavercreek, Ohio
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Daffynition: Geometry— What the boy said when he was turned into an oak.
Submitted by Stephen J., Buffalo Grove, Ill.
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An old man was talking to his neighbor. “I just bought a new hearing aid,” he says. “It cost me $4,000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” his neighbor says. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty,” the old man says.
Submitted by Jesse O., Durand, Mich.
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A book never written: “How to Get Your Way” by Dick Tate.
Submitted by Isaiah C., Anamosa, Iowa
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Pedro: Why did the chipmunk go to space?
Boss: I don’t know.
Pedro: To find an astro-nut!
Submitted by Alexander J., El Paso, Tex.
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Daffynition: Illegal—A sick bird.
Submitted by Brenden R., Phoenix, Ariz.
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Stephan: Did you hear about the two guys who froze at a drive-in movie?
Daniel: No. What happened?
Stephan: They had gone to see “Closed for Winter”!
Submitted by Stephan H., Salem, Va.
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Boys' Life will send you this Collector Edition patch and your choice of $2 ($10 for Pedro's Pick), a Scout "Handbook" or a "Fieldbook" for each joke of yours we publish in the printed magazine.
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