Boys' Life magazine » Jokes

Camouflage Trousers

macipeterson — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:01:24 +0000

Warped Wiseman says: “I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.”

What spiders eat with hamburgers.

macipeterson — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 06:44:55 +0000

Lance: What do spiders eat with hamburgers?
James: I haven’t a clue.
Lance: French flies.

“I don’t want anything on my burger”

macipeterson — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 05:01:03 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “I don’t want anything on my burger,” Tom said plainly.

How do you get a robot mad?

macipeterson — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 05:01:14 +0000

Kaisho: How do you get a robot mad?
Sam: Beats me.
Kaisho: By pushing his buttons!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange.

macipeterson — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 05:01:59 +0000

Pedro: Knock, knock.
Boss: Who’s there?
Pedro: Orange.
Boss: Orange, who?
Pedro: Orange you going to open the door? It’s cold out here!

Crimes committed by lawn gnomes.

macipeterson — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 05:01:10 +0000

Owen: On which show do detectives solve crimes committed by lawn gnomes?
Oscar: Tell me.
Owen: “Lawn Order.”

Who do the inches follow?

macipeterson — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 05:01:12 +0000

Kevin: Who do the inches follow?
Liam: I haven’t a clue.
Kevin: Their ruler.

The rash joke.

macipeterson — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 05:01:40 +0000

Cam: Have I told you the rash joke yet?
Max: No, what is it?
Cam: I shouldn’t tell you. You will just spread it.

English teacher’s favorite breakfast.

macipeterson — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 06:39:25 +0000

Matt: What is an English teacher’s favorite breakfast?
Brian: Beats me.
Matt: A synonym roll!

“Make Your Own Honey”

macipeterson — Fri, 31 May 2013 05:01:53 +0000

A book never written: “Make Your Own Honey” by A.B. Hive.

A canine in winter.

macipeterson — Thu, 30 May 2013 05:01:12 +0000

Ryen: What do you call a canine in winter?
Thomas: I haven’t a clue.
Ryen: “Chilidog.”

Where leprechauns buy groceries.

macipeterson — Wed, 29 May 2013 05:01:58 +0000

Ian: Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?
Colin: I don’t know.
Ian: Rainbow Foods!

What the ghost said.

macipeterson — Tue, 28 May 2013 05:01:04 +0000

Stephen: What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him?
David: I haven’t a clue.
Stephen: “I can see right through you.”

Watchmakers are mean.

macipeterson — Mon, 27 May 2013 05:01:00 +0000

Susan: Why do people think watchmakers are mean?
Howie: Beats me.
Susan: Because they make faces all day!

“This fruit isn’t ripe yet”

macipeterson — Sun, 26 May 2013 05:18:09 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “This fruit isn’t ripe yet,” Tom said sourly.

Baseball is the first sport in the Bible.

macipeterson — Sat, 18 May 2013 05:01:10 +0000

Lyle: Did you know baseball is the first sport in the Bible?
Dale: No, I didn’t.
Lyle: Yep, in Genesis it says, “In the big inning!”

If the Energizer Bunny were arrested.

macipeterson — Fri, 17 May 2013 05:01:19 +0000

Warped Wiseman wonders: “If the Energizer Bunny were arrested, would he be charged with battery?”

A banana’s favorite gymnastics move.

macipeterson — Thu, 16 May 2013 05:01:42 +0000

Joe: What is a banana’s favorite gymnastics move?
Barbara: Beats me.
Joe: The splits!

A spy’s favorite shoes.

macipeterson — Mon, 13 May 2013 05:01:00 +0000

Alex: What is a spy’s favorite kind of shoes?
Liam: Gee, I don’t know.
Alex: Sneakers!

“North American Birds”

macipeterson — Sun, 12 May 2013 05:01:38 +0000

A book never written: “North American Birds” by Ray Venn.

The rabbit went to the barbershop.

macipeterson — Sat, 11 May 2013 05:01:15 +0000

Joshua: Why did the rabbit go to the barbershop?
Al: I don’t know.
Joshua: He needed a hare cut!

“How to Fight Bulls”

macipeterson — Fri, 10 May 2013 05:01:26 +0000

A book never written: “How to Fight Bulls” by Matt A. Door.

What kind of shoes mice wear.

macipeterson — Thu, 09 May 2013 05:01:16 +0000

Bryan: What kind of shoes do mice wear?
Myrna: Tell me.
Bryan: Squeakers!

“What Does It Do?”

macipeterson — Wed, 08 May 2013 05:01:42 +0000

A book never written: “What Does It Do?” by A. Pendix.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

macipeterson — Tue, 07 May 2013 05:01:51 +0000

Charlie: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Thomas: I don’t know. Why?
Charlie: Because 7 8 9!

“New York Architecture”

macipeterson — Mon, 06 May 2013 05:57:09 +0000

A book never written: “New York Architecture” by Brooke Lynn Bridge.

A man on a scale.

macipeterson — Wed, 01 May 2013 05:01:13 +0000

A man stood on his bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“I don’t think that helps,” his wife said sarcastically.
“Sure it does,” the man said. “How else can I see the numbers?”

“Powerful Mints”

macipeterson — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 05:01:44 +0000

A book never written: “Powerful Mints” by Al Toyd.

A discount at the boat store.

macipeterson — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 05:01:21 +0000

Howard: What do you call a discount at the boat store?
Susan: I don’t know.
Howard: A “two-for-one sail.”

Daffynition: Briefcase

macipeterson — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 05:01:39 +0000

Daffynition: Briefcase—An easily solved mystery.

Why was the chemist angry?

macipeterson — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 05:01:16 +0000

Tanner: Why was the chemist angry?
Robbie: Tell me.
Tanner: Because he was a mad scientist.

“Staying Calm”

macipeterson — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 07:42:00 +0000

A book never written: “Staying Calm” by Terry Fide.

What the flame said.

macipeterson — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 05:01:29 +0000

Zach: What did one flame say to the other?
Scott: Tell me.
Zach: “We’re a perfect match.”

A Frenchman’s favorite game console

macipeterson — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 06:35:26 +0000

William: What is a Frenchman’s favorite game console?
Angus: I have no idea.
William: Wii, Wii, of course!

Daffynition: Commentators

macipeterson — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 11:50:08 +0000

Daffynition: Commentators—Average potatoes.

Why is the sea so strong?

macipeterson — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 07:54:41 +0000

Lynn: Why is the sea so strong?
Sandy: I don’t know.
Lynn: Because it has a lot of mussels.

Daffynition: Cunningham

macipeterson — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 06:53:37 +0000

Daffynition: Cunningham—A smart pig.

What the tree stump said.

macipeterson — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 05:01:14 +0000

Amy: What did the tree stump say to the newspaper?
Megan: I haven’t the slightest idea.
Amy: “I am your father.”

“Singing and Strumming”

macipeterson — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 05:01:34 +0000

A book never written: “Singing and Strumming” by Sarah Nade.

Why giraffes have long necks.

macipeterson — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 05:52:27 +0000

Jack: Why do giraffes have long necks?
Jill: I have no clue.
Jack: Because their feet stink.

A cooks car.

macipeterson — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 05:01:40 +0000

Ilse: What kind of cars do cooks drive?
Roy: Beats me.
Ilse: Chef-rolets!

“I like the rear of the ship”

macipeterson — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 05:01:13 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “I like the rear of the ship,” Tom said sternly.

High-ranking Scout with a buzz cut.

macipeterson — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 05:01:52 +0000

Johnathan: What do you call a high-ranking Scout with a buzz cut?
Bruce: Beats me.
Johnathan: A “bald Eagle.”

“Making New Things”

macipeterson — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 05:01:03 +0000

A book never written: “Making New Things” by N. Ventor.

What Eskimo’s use.

macipeterson — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 06:43:40 +0000

Peter: How does an Eskimo repair his house?
Elaine: I don’t know.
Peter: He uses i-glue!

When the skunk wrote a book.

macipeterson — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 05:01:30 +0000

Ethan: What happened when the skunk wrote a book?
Stewart: I don’t know.
Ethan: It became a best-smeller!

“Flavorful Cooking”

macipeterson — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 05:01:37 +0000

A book never written: “Flavorful Cooking” by Mary Nade.

What is green and sings?

macipeterson — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 05:01:51 +0000

Kristen: What is green and sings?
Taylor: Beats me.
Kristen: Elvis Parsley!

“She tore my valentine in two”

macipeterson — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 05:01:25 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in two,” Tom said halfheartedly.

What pigs give.

macipeterson — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 05:01:28 +0000

Dawson: What do pigs give on Feb. 14?
Brad: I don’t know.
Dawson: Valen-swines!

“American Crickets”

macipeterson — Sat, 16 Mar 2013 05:01:06 +0000

A book never written: “American Crickets” by Kate E. Didds.

What the candy said.

macipeterson — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 05:01:46 +0000

Justin: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?
John: I haven’t a clue.
Justin: “We’re mint for each other.”

“I almost got struck by lightning!”

macipeterson — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 05:01:15 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “I almost got struck by lightning!” Tom said shockingly.

When a clock is mad.

macipeterson — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 05:01:52 +0000

Daniel: How can you tell when a clock is mad?
Derek: Beats me.
Daniel: It will have a ticked-off look on its face.

“Boys’ Life and More”

macipeterson — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 05:01:30 +0000

A book never written: “Boys’ Life and More” by Maggie Zeen.

The bowling pins stopped working.

macipeterson — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 05:01:33 +0000

Kaleb: Why’d the bowling pins stop working?
Mike: I haven’t a clue.
Kaleb: They went on strike!

Daffynition: Outrank

macipeterson — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 06:30:22 +0000

Daffynition: Outrank—To smell worse than the other guy.

“Condiments”

macipeterson — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 05:01:16 +0000

A book never written: “Condiments” by May O’Naise.

Kicking the elephants out of the pool.

macipeterson — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 05:01:11 +0000

Zeke: Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the swimming pool?
Kyle: I haven’t a clue.
Zeke: Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up!

Daffynition: Lunatic

macipeterson — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 05:01:54 +0000

Daffynition: Lunatic—A parasite from the moon.

A man who builds horses.

macipeterson — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 05:01:48 +0000

One day, a Cub Scout visited a farm. When he got home, he told his parents all about it. “I even saw a man who builds horses!” he said.
“Are you sure?” his mom asked.
“Yes,” the Cub Scout said, “he was just nailing on the feet when I got there.”

“Outdoor Necessities”

macipeterson — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 05:01:55 +0000

A book never written: “Outdoor Necessities” by Carrie A. Hatchet.

Why did he bang his camera with a skillet?

macipeterson — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 05:01:23 +0000

Brent: Why did the man bang his camera with a skillet?
Hunter: Tell me.
Brent: He wanted a pan-oramic view!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owl.

macipeterson — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 07:40:54 +0000

Eric: Knock, knock.
Brett: Who’s there?
Eric: Owl.
Brett: Owl, who?
Eric: Owl tell you after I finish this Boys’ Life joke!

“Just a Taste”

macipeterson — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 05:01:31 +0000

A book never written: “Just a Taste” by Sam Pull.

What the conductor said.

macipeterson — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 05:01:04 +0000

Bob: What did the conductor say when asked to play “The Messiah”?
Rob: I haven’t a clue.
Bob: “I don’t think my orchestra can Handel it.”

Daffynition: Pigment

macipeterson — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 05:01:02 +0000

Daffynition: Pigment—A pork-flavored breath freshener.

A volcano and a light bulb.

macipeterson — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 07:35:35 +0000

Adam: What do you get when you cross a volcano and a light bulb?
Ryan: I don’t know.
Adam: A lava lamp!

A truck full of bison.

macipeterson — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 05:01:44 +0000

Tim: What’s a truck full of bison?
Dan: I don’t know.
Tim: A buffa-load!

“A Marine Biologist’s Office”

macipeterson — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 05:01:09 +0000

A book never written: “A Marine Biologist’s Office” by D.O. Shun.

Where a turtle goes.

macipeterson — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 05:01:49 +0000

Carl: Where does a turtle go when it’s raining?
Jimmy: Tell me.
Carl: A shell-ter!

Why the bee saw a doctor.

macipeterson — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 05:01:02 +0000

Luke: Why did the bee go see the doctor?
Jake: I give up.
Luke: It had hives.

“How to Eat an Oreo”

macipeterson — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 05:01:54 +0000

A book never written: “How to Eat an Oreo” by Duncan Glass.

Your dog’s favorite breakfast.

macipeterson — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 05:01:53 +0000

Adam: What is your dog’s favorite breakfast?
Ben: I haven’t a clue.
Adam: Pooched eggs!

Where our first president kept his mice.

macipeterson — Sun, 10 Feb 2013 05:01:27 +0000

Alex: Where did our first president keep his mice?
Will: Tell me.
Alex: Mount Vermin!

“Good Cleaning”

macipeterson — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 05:01:25 +0000

A book never written: “Good Cleaning” by Dustin D. House.

A man with penguins in his truck.

macipeterson — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 05:01:09 +0000

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”

The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”

“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.

“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”

“Tell the dog to be quiet!”

macipeterson — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 05:01:08 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “Tell the dog to be quiet!” Tom barked.

A pig and a frog.

macipeterson — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 06:19:51 +0000

Robert: What do you get if you cross a pig and a frog?
Jack: Beats me.
Robert: A ham-phibian!

The leader of all the inches.

macipeterson — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 07:59:10 +0000

Katie: Who is leader of all the inches?
Jacob: Beats me.
Katie: The ruler!

I think I’m becoming a dog.

macipeterson — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:01:26 +0000

Man: Doctor, I think I’m becoming a dog!
Doctor: Just relax. Have a seat, and I’ll help you.
Man: But doctor, I’m not allowed on the furniture!

“The Winning Streak”

macipeterson — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 05:01:39 +0000

A book never written: “The Winning Streak” by Lou Zurrs.

What kind of guitar?

macipeterson — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 10:21:54 +0000

Josh: What kind of guitar always has a cold?
Larry: I have no clue.
Josh: An achoo-stic!

“Simple Electronics”

macipeterson — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 05:01:33 +0000

A book never written: “Simple Electronics” by Sir Kit.

Why the lions crossed the road.

macipeterson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:19:24 +0000

Danny: Why did the lions cross the road?
Bobby: I don’t know. Why?
Danny: To get to the other pride!

A man at the hardware store.

macipeterson — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 07:00:11 +0000

A man went to the hardware store and asked for nails.
“How long do you want them?” asked the salesman.
“Oh,” said the customer, “I was rather hoping to keep them.”

“Old Cars”

macipeterson — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 05:01:27 +0000

A book never written: “Old Cars” by L. Camino.

An Autobot and a can of paint.

macipeterson — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 06:43:05 +0000

Mike: What do you get when you cross an Autobot with a can of paint?
Ike: Tell me.
Mike: Optimus Primer.

What cats say when they get hurt.

macipeterson — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 08:52:15 +0000

George: What do cats say when they get hurt?
Jeff: Tell me.
George: “Me-OW!”

What kind of swamp?

macipeterson — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 05:01:45 +0000

Del: What kind of swamp do you roast on a stick?
John: I have no clue.
Del: A marsh-mallow!

The chess playing dog.

macipeterson — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 06:09:28 +0000

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

The pen is mightier than the sword.

macipeterson — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 13:30:57 +0000

Warped Wiseman wonders: “If the pen is truly mightier than the sword, why do actions speak louder than words?”

Curtains for my computer.

macipeterson — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 05:01:02 +0000

A teen walked into a store to buy curtains and said, “I want those curtains over there to fit my computer screen.”
“Computers don’t need curtains,” said the salesman.
“Hello,” the teen said. “I have Windows.”

“Weeds and Flowers”

macipeterson — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 11:06:56 +0000

A book never written: “Weeds and Flowers” by Dan D. Lyon.

What the judge wore.

macipeterson — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 05:01:56 +0000

Jason: What did the judge wear to the trial?
Joe: Tell me.
Jason: A lawsuit!

Daffynition: Coolant

macipeterson — Sun, 06 Jan 2013 05:01:00 +0000

Daffynition: Coolant—A small insect with style.

Why the bride is always unlucky.

macipeterson — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 05:32:11 +0000

Kevin: Why is the bride always unlucky on her wedding day?
Devin: Beats me.
Kevin: Because she never marries the best man!

Which snake likes baked desserts?

macipeterson — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:38:55 +0000

Tim: Which snake likes baked desserts?
Isaiah: Tell me.
Tim: The pie-thon!.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amish.

macipeterson — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 06:47:29 +0000

Bob: Knock, knock.
Dillon: Who’s there?
Bob: Amish.
Dillon: Amish, who?
Bob: Really? You don’t look like a shoe.

How rodents power their cars.

macipeterson — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:01:50 +0000

Nick: What do rodents power their cars with?
Rick: Tell me.
Nick: Weasel-diesel!