Boys' Life magazine » Jokes

“How to Rank Up in Scouting”

macipeterson — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:01:13 +0000

A book never written: “How to Rank Up in Scouting” by Ed Vance.

Worse than being a five-ton witch.

macipeterson — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:01:09 +0000

Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!

Daffynition: Olympiads

macipeterson — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 05:01:59 +0000

Daffynition: Olympiads—Commercials shown during the Summer and Winter Games.

Astronaut Mickey Mouse.

macipeterson — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 05:01:55 +0000

Jason: Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
Will: Beats me.
Jason: He wanted to visit Pluto!

“Perfect Peanuts”

macipeterson — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:01:40 +0000

A book never written: “Perfect Peanuts” by Ella Fant.

The nickel’s bad joke.

macipeterson — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:11:39 +0000

Zach: What did the dime say to the nickel after it told a bad joke?
Sarah: I don’t know.
Zach: “That didn’t make cents.”

A tired skeleton.

macipeterson — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 05:01:03 +0000

Gavin: What do you call a tired skeleton?
Connor: Beats me.
Gavin: The “grim sleeper.”

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ken.

macipeterson — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 05:01:28 +0000

Hayden: Knock, knock.
Chris: Who’s there?
Hayden: Ken.
Chris: Ken, who?
Hayden: Ken you just open the door, please?

A tree playing rock and roll.

macipeterson — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:01:48 +0000

Del: What kind of tree is famous for playing rock and roll?
John: I haven’t a clue.
Del: Spruce Springsteen!

“Underwater Spying”

macipeterson — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 05:01:51 +0000

A book never written: “Underwater Spying” by Paris Scope.

Why the penguin crossed the road.

macipeterson — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 05:01:15 +0000

Stephen: Why did the penguin cross the road?
Brad: Beats me.
Stephen: It just wanted to go with the floe!

The bee went to the hospital.

macipeterson — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:01:04 +0000

Luke: Why did the bee go to the hospital?
Jake: I give up.
Luke: Because it had hives!

“Live News”

macipeterson — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:01:16 +0000

A book never written: “Live News” by Justin Now.

Poorest period of music.

macipeterson — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 05:01:51 +0000

Robert: What period of music was the poorest?
Michael: Tell me.
Robert: The Baroque period!

Daffynition: Forum

macipeterson — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 05:01:37 +0000

Daffynition: Forum—What you are when you’re not against ’um.

I have Second Amendment rights.

macipeterson — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:01:50 +0000

Mom: Son, you need to wear a longsleeved shirt today.
Nate: No, I’m wearing short sleeves. I have Second Amendment rights.
Mom: What are you talking about?
Nate: You know, the right to bare arms!

“How to Check a Pulse”

macipeterson — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 07:39:51 +0000

A book never written: “How to Check a Pulse” by Izzy Dead.

How cowboys become rich.

macipeterson — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 05:01:02 +0000

Tom: How do rodeo cowboys become rich?
Bill: You stumped me.
Tom: Their horses always give them a buck or two.

A millipede’s least favorite activity.

macipeterson — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 08:41:01 +0000

Dan: What is a millipede’s least favorite activity?
Bob: I don’t know.
Dan: Buying new shoes.

“Finding a Carpool”

macipeterson — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 05:46:49 +0000

A book never written: “Finding a Carpool” by Anita Ride.

A sweeping device and a toy.

macipeterson — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 10:03:24 +0000

Howard: What do you get when you cross a sweeping device and a toy?
Suzie: I haven’t a clue.
Howard: A broom-a-rang!

An alien and something white and fluffy.

macipeterson — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 05:01:34 +0000

Jay: What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
Joe: What?
Jay: A martian-mallow!

“Earning Your Snow Sports Merit Badge”

macipeterson — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 05:47:27 +0000

A book never written: “Earning Your Snow Sports Merit Badge” by Yugo Ski.

The sailor’s boating test.

macipeterson — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 05:01:49 +0000

Scout: What happened to the sailor when he did poorly on his boating test?
Sailor: Beats me.
Scout: He got C-sick.

“To Be Grown in Idaho”

macipeterson — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 05:01:11 +0000

A book never written: “To Be Grown in Idaho” by Ima Tater.

What the tie said to the hat.

macipeterson — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 05:01:34 +0000

Wyatt: What did the tie say to the hat?
Warren: No idea.
Wyatt: “You go on a head; I’ll just hang around!”

“Coming to America”

macipeterson — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 06:16:02 +0000

A book never written: “Coming to America” by Anita Greencard.

It’s raining cats and dogs.

macipeterson — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 05:01:34 +0000

Andrew: Wow! It’s raining cats and dogs.
Brian: How can you tell?
Andrew: I just stepped in a poodle.

“Great Cheeses”

macipeterson — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 05:01:55 +0000

A book never written: “Great Cheeses” by Cole B. Jack.

What scuba divers wear.

macipeterson — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 05:01:50 +0000

Nick: What do scuba divers wear to bed?
Greg: Tell me.
Nick: A snore-kel!

“The Knight of Assurance”

macipeterson — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 06:21:55 +0000

A book never written: “The Knight of Assurance” by Sir Tanlee.

A kitten drinking lemonade.

macipeterson — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 05:01:07 +0000

Max: What do you call a kitten drinking lemonade?
Matt: I haven’t a clue.
Max: A “sourpuss.”

Daffynition: Doughnut

macipeterson — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 05:01:22 +0000

Daffynition: Doughnut—Someone crazy about money.

Starts with G-A-S.

macipeterson — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 06:48:43 +0000

Pat: What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Rick: Beats me.
Pat: Automobile.

“How to Make Cookies Taste Better”

macipeterson — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 05:01:24 +0000

A book never written: “How to Make Cookies Taste Better” by Duncan Milk.

“Where to Build a Sandcastle”

macipeterson — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 05:10:36 +0000

A book never written: “Where to Build a Sandcastle” by Bea Chez.

Two cows standing in a field.

macipeterson — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 05:33:23 +0000

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, “Are you worried about mad cow disease?” The other one says, “No, it doesn’t worry me. I’m a horse!”

“How to Win the Lottery”

macipeterson — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 10:26:03 +0000

A book never written: “How to Win the Lottery” by Jack Pott.

The doctor held his temper.

macipeterson — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 05:01:38 +0000

Derek: Why did the doctor have to hold his temper?
Dan: Beats me.
Derek: So he wouldn’t lose his patients.

“No Money Left”

macipeterson — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 05:01:29 +0000

A book never written: “No Money Left” by M.T. Wallet.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

macipeterson — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 07:25:50 +0000

Taylor: Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Jake: Tell me.
Taylor: Because of its bark!

“The Vegetable Mafia”

macipeterson — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:01:25 +0000

A book never written: “The Vegetable Mafia” by Artie Choke.

Why the orange went blind.

macipeterson — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Jake: Why did the orange go blind?
Justin: Beats me.
Jake: He didn’t have enough vitaminsee!

Where glue doesn’t stick.

macipeterson — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 07:41:08 +0000

Warped Wiseman wonders: “Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?”

“Guide to Exotic Cars”

macipeterson — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 05:01:31 +0000

A book never written: “Guide to Exotic Cars” by Iona Ferrari.

A rooster and a duck.

macipeterson — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 05:01:13 +0000

Andrew: What do you get when you cross a rooster and a duck?
Ariana: I haven’t a clue.
Andrew: A bird that gets up at the quack of dawn!

“Prison Security”

macipeterson — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 05:17:52 +0000

A book never written: “Prison Security” by Barb Wire.

Daffynition: Information

macipeterson — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 06:21:16 +0000

Daffynition: Information—How geese fly.

“How to Get Wet”

macipeterson — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:02:12 +0000

A book never written: “How to Get Wet” by Tip D. Canoe.

An old lady knitting and driving.

macipeterson — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 06:54:07 +0000

An old lady was knitting as she drove. A police officer drove up alongside her and yelled: “Pull over!” The lady yelled back: “No—they’re mittens.”

Interstate highways in Hawaii?

macipeterson — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 06:53:31 +0000

Warped Wiseman wonders: “Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?”

“Italian Cooking”

macipeterson — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 05:01:14 +0000

A book never written: “Italian Cooking” by Alfredo N. Marinara.

A boxer’s favorite drink.

macipeterson — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 05:01:02 +0000

Webster: What’s a boxer’s favorite drink?
Sean: I don’t know.
Webster: Punch!

“I’ll cook the pancakes this morning”

macipeterson — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 05:01:18 +0000

Tom Swiftie: “I’ll cook the pancakes this morning,” Tom said flippantly.

Knitting three socks.

macipeterson — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 08:59:53 +0000

A grandmother sat on her porch knitting three socks when someone walked by and asked, “Why are you knitting three socks?”
The grandmother replied, “Because my grandson said he’s grown a foot since joining the Army.”

“To the Market”

macipeterson — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 05:30:49 +0000

A book never written: “To the Market” by Tobias A. Pigg.

The lawyer’s fees.

macipeterson — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:01:08 +0000

A guy asks a lawyer about his fees. “I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer says. “That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” the guy asks. “Yes, I suppose so,” the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”

Daffynition: Discount

macipeterson — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:01:03 +0000

Daffynition: Discount—The number of times you have been insulted.

A guitar and a store.

macipeterson — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 05:01:27 +0000

Don: What do you get when you cross a guitar and a store?
Jon: Beats me.
Don: A rock shop.

He who does a Good Turn daily.

macipeterson — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 05:01:52 +0000

Warped Wiseman says: “He who does a Good Turn daily must get dizzy after a while.”

When windows see the doctor.

macipeterson — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 05:01:11 +0000

Bob: When do windows see the doctor?
Joe: I don’t know.
Bob: When they have panes!

“Puppets”

macipeterson — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 05:01:48 +0000

A book never written: “Puppets” by Mary Annette.

A guy throws a snail.

macipeterson — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 05:55:36 +0000

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”

Daffynition: Sugar cane

macipeterson — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 05:01:18 +0000

Daffynition: Sugar cane—An edible walking stick.

Mother and daddy bullet.

macipeterson — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 05:01:48 +0000

Erin: What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?
Fran: What?
Erin: “We’re gonna have a BB!”

“How to Fish”

macipeterson — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 05:01:18 +0000

A book never written: “How to Fish” by Will Ketchum.

Why the apple crossed the road.

macipeterson — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 05:01:23 +0000

Kelvin: Why did the apple cross the road?
Martin: Why?
Kelvin: To get to Granny Smith’s house!

“The European Alps”

macipeterson — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 05:01:56 +0000

A book never written: “The European Alps” by Matt R. Horn.

A fading Scottish dish.

macipeterson — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 06:15:13 +0000

Patrick: What do you call a Scottish dish that fades from the public eye?
Pedro: I haven’t the foggiest.
Patrick: A “haggis-been.”

“Yes It Is”

macipeterson — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 06:21:04 +0000

A book never written: “Yes It Is” by Noah Snot.

Best time keeping animals.

macipeterson — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 05:01:06 +0000

Andrew: What animal keeps the best time?
Ryan: I haven’t a clue.
Andrew: A watchdog.

“Cost-Free Appliance Repairs”

macipeterson — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 05:01:13 +0000

A book never written: “Cost-Free Appliance Repairs” by Warren Tee.

What’s a car’s favorite meal?

macipeterson — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 05:01:02 +0000

Jim: What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Adam: I don’t know.
Jim: Brake-fast.

“Cost-Free Appliance Repairs”

macipeterson — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 05:01:41 +0000

A book never written: “Cost-Free Appliance Repairs” by Warren Tee.

Best time keeping animal.

macipeterson — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 05:01:59 +0000

Andrew: What animal keeps the best time?
Ryan: I haven’t a clue.
Andrew: A watchdog.

“Countries to Visit”

macipeterson — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 05:01:21 +0000

A book never written: “Countries to Visit” by Francis D. Best.

Forgetful 12th grader.

macipeterson — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 05:01:31 +0000

Matt: What do you call it when a 12th grader forgets something?
Howard: What?
Matt: A senior moment!

“The Wimpy Knight”

macipeterson — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:12:51 +0000

A book never written: “The Wimpy Knight” by Sir Render.

God’s favorite cheese.

macipeterson — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 05:01:51 +0000

Dylan: What’s God’s favorite cheese?
Robert: Beats me.
Dylan: Swiss, because it’s holey!

“Relax, Everything Is Fine”

macipeterson — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 07:44:20 +0000

A book never written: “Relax, Everything Is Fine” by Kat Astrophic.

Poor dog without a nose.

macipeterson — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 05:01:37 +0000

Andrew: My poor dog doesn’t have a nose.
Joe: How does she smell?
Andrew: Terrible!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jamaican.

macipeterson — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 05:01:43 +0000

Ethan: Knock, knock.
Owen: Who’s there?
Ethan: Jamaican.
Owen: Jamaican, who?
Ethan: Jamaican me crazy; now stop it!

Cross a dog with a penny.

macipeterson — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 05:01:10 +0000

Ryan: What do you get when you cross a dog with a penny?
Frank: I dunno.
Ryan: A copper spaniel.

“Top Secret”

macipeterson — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 05:01:27 +0000

A book never written: “Top Secret” by X. Files.

What happened to your leg?

macipeterson — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:01:27 +0000

Tobin: What happened to your leg?
Matt: I went to a seafood dance last night.
Tobin: And?
Matt: I pulled a mussel!

“Blending In”

macipeterson — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 05:01:12 +0000

A book never written: “Blending In” by Cam O. Flage.

When the caveman invented scissors.

macipeterson — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 05:01:05 +0000

Brett: What did the caveman call it when he invented scissors?
Kyle: Beats me.
Brett: “Cutting-edge technology.”

American cheese in other countries?

macipeterson — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 06:12:50 +0000

Warped Wiseman wonders: “Can you get American cheese in other countries?”

What place is never icy?

macipeterson — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 05:01:37 +0000

Matt: What place is never icy?
Jack: Tell me.
Matt: A beach, because it’s always sanded.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Figs.

macipeterson — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 06:09:06 +0000

Jerry: Knock, knock.
Graham: Who’s there?
Jerry: Figs.
Graham: Figs, who?
Jerry: Figs the doorbell—it’s broken!

Racecar with a spud.

macipeterson — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 05:01:11 +0000

Pedro: What do you get when you cross a racecar with a spud?
Ordep: Beats me.
Pedro: Crashed potatoes.

“Unruly Children”

macipeterson — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 05:01:24 +0000

A book never written: “Unruly Children” by Miss B. Haven.

Where are the Great Plains?

macipeterson — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 06:45:12 +0000

Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!

Where cowboys go to think.

macipeterson — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Chris: Where do cowboys go to think?
Duncan: I don’t know.
Chris: The ponder-osa.

Daffyniton: Out of bounds

macipeterson — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 05:01:16 +0000

Daffyniton: Out of bounds—An exhausted kangaroo.

Famous Roman with a cold.

macipeterson — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 05:01:54 +0000

Tobin: What famous Roman always had a cold?
Tommy: Tell me.
Tobin: Julius Sneezer.

The orange went to the hospital.

macipeterson — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 06:21:43 +0000

Simon: Why did the orange go to the hospital?
Ted: I haven’t a clue.
Simon: Because it wasn’t peeling well.

A happy citizen of Istanbul.

macipeterson — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 05:01:42 +0000

Noah: What do you call a happy citizen of Istanbul?
Alex: Dunno.
Noah: A “Turkish delight!”

The spider took swimming lessons.

macipeterson — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 05:01:56 +0000

Lucas: Why did the spider take swimming lessons?
Will: I don’t know. Why?
Lucas: He wanted to surf the Web.

“Pain Management”

macipeterson — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 05:01:55 +0000

A book never written: “Pain Management” by Nova Cane.