Recent Comments

101 Funny Halloween Jokes and Comics

Happy Halloween! We dare you not to scream with laughter when you read these funny Halloween jokes by Scout Life readers. Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send in your joke.

Laugh at 4,000+ more funny jokes at jokes.scoutlife.org!


DOWNLOAD A FREE POCKET JOKE BOOK!

Print and fold your own pocket joke book, filled with great Halloween jokes!
Download the joke book (PDF)
Folding instructions


halloween-1

Joe: What do you call wood when it’s scared?
Bob: I don’t know.
Joe: Petrified!
Joke submitted by Daniel B., Lincoln, Neb.
Comic by Daryll Collins


Daniel: What do you do when zombies surround your house?
Sam: What?
Daniel: Hope it’s Halloween.
Joke submitted by Daniel R., Boerne, Texas


Comic by Scott Nickel


Keenan: What happens when a mummy gets a cold?
John: I have no clue.
Keenan: It starts coffin!
Joke submitted by Keenan N., Williamstown, Kentucky


Lucas: Where do the baby ghost go?
Jeff: I’m stumped.
Lucas: Day scare!
Joke submitted by Lucas Z., Evans, Ga.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Ayn: What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween?
Samantha: I don’t know. What?
Ayn: A gobblin’!
Joke submitted by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Pa.


Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Joke submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Jenna: What did the vampire say to the ghost at the Halloween party?
Brenna: What?
Jenna: “Come on! Why don’t you live a little?”
Joke submitted by Jenna C., Columbia, Mo.


Thomas: How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern?
George: I have no clue.
Thomas: With a pumpkin patch.
Joke submitted by Thomas W., Shreveport, La.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Arlene: What kind of dessert do ghosts like?
Alice: What?
Arlene: I scream!
Joke submitted by Arlene A., Selma, Calif.


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Joke submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Tanay: Knock, knock.
Dad: Who’s there?
Tanay: Boo.
Dad: Boo, who?
Tanay: Why are you crying?!
Joke submitted by Tanay G., Chantilly, Virginia


Bert: What did the ghost wear to the dance?
Sam: I have no clue.
Bert: Booooots.
Joke submitted by Bert Y., Corpus Christi, Tex.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Danny: Why didn’t the ghost go to the Halloween party?
Cody: I haven’t the foggiest.
Danny: He was afraid he was going to be booed.
Joke submitted by Danny V., Camarillo, Calif.


Brett: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Joke submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio


Comic by Scott Nickel


Spencer: What plants like Halloween the most?
Tanner: Which ones?
Spencer: Bam-BOO!
Joke submitted by Tanner S., Tampa, Fla.


Micah: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin from your roof?
Cameron: What?
Micah: Squash!
Joke submitted by Micah T., Abbeville, S.C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Yashaswi: What’s the witch’s best subject?
Amy: I haven’t the foggiest.
Yashaswi: Spelling!
Joke submitted by Yashaswi S., Fredericksburg, Va.


Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Joke submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.


halloween-1

Comic by Daryll Collins


Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Joke submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.


Barbara: What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Cindy: I don’t know.
Barbara: Boo jeans!
Joke submitted by Barbara M., Simpsonville, S.C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Christopher: What did Superman say to Batman when he invited him to the graveyard on Halloween night?
Daniel: I don’t know.
Christopher: “Sorry, I can’t go into the kryptonite.”
Joke submitted by Christopher S., Chesapeake, Va.


Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Joke submitted by Maxwell C.


Comic by Scott Nickel


John: Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
Mark: Why?
John: He didn’t have the stomach for it!
Joke submitted by John C., Houston, Texas


Aiden: Where do ghosts make their movies?
Bob: I don’t know.
Aiden: At Univer-soul Studios.
Joke submitted by Aiden W., Granite City, Ill.


comic-1

Comic by Scott Nickel


Erick: Where do ghosts like to swim?
Carl: I don’t know. Tell me.
Erick: The Dead Sea.
Joke submitted by Erick O., National City, Calif.


Sam: What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
Frank: I don’t know.
Sam: The “grim sweeper.”
Joke submitted by Sam M., Pittsburgh, Pa.


Comic by Thomastoons


Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Joke submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.


Luke: What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Jen: I have no clue.
Luke: Broommates!
Joke submitted by Luke B., Kenosha, Wis.


halloween-2

Comic by Scott Nickel


Brenda: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
Bianca: Where?
Brenda: At the casketeria.
Joke submitted by Brenda D., Elmira, N.Y.


Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Joke submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Joke submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.


Darius: What part of the street do vampires live on?
Chad: I don’t know.
Darius: The dead end.
Joke submitted by Darius C., Columbia, Md.


comic-2

Comic by Scott Nickel


Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Joke submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.


Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game on Halloween?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Joke submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.


halloween-3

Comic by Scott Nickel


Rich: Why do they put fences around graveyards?
Mitch: Tell me.
Rich: Because people are dying to get in!
Joke submitted by Richard D., Granville, Ohio


Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Joke submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Joke submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.


Gavin: What do you call a tired skeleton on Halloween?
Connor: Beats me.
Gavin: The “grim sleeper.”
Joke submitted by Gavin H., Stoughton, Mass.


comic-3

Comic by Thomastoons


Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Joke submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio


Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Joke submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.


halloween-4

Comic by Jon Carter


Kirk: Why do mummies have no friends?
Mike: Why
Kirk: Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves!
Joke submitted by Kirk J., Bothell, Wash.


Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Joke submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Joke submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.


Stephen: What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him?
David: I haven’t a clue.
Stephen: “I can see right through you.”
Joke submitted by Stephen S., Knoxville, Tenn.


halloween-5

Comic by Scott Nickel


A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Joke submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.


Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
Thomas: Why?
Jess:  It dampens their spirits!
Joke submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.


halloween-6

Comic by Scott Nickel


Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Joke submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks for Halloween?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Joke submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


halloween-7

Comic by Scott Nickel


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Joke submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.


Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Joke submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Steve: What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter?
Paul: What?
Steve: Pumpkin-pi!
Joke submitted by Steve H., Sagamore Hills, Ohio


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Joke submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.


Comic by ThomasToons


Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Joke submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.


Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Joke submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Joke submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.


A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Joke submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.


Comic by Scott Masear


Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Joke submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.


Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Joke submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Joke submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.


Todd: What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
Leanne: What?
Todd: The xylabone.
Joke submitted by Todd F., Indianapolis, Ind.


Ben: What do you call a kind and considerate monster?
Jonathan: What?
Ben: A complete failure.
Joke submitted by Benjamin M., Rancho Cordova, Calif.
Comic by Daryll Collins


A book never written: “All That’s Left of Me” by Myra Maines.
Joke submitted by Kieran F., Emporia, Kan.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Joke submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.


Mackenna: Where is a ghost’s favorite place to sit in a restaurant?
Grayson: I don’t know. Where?
Mackenna: A boo-th!
Joke submitted by Mackenna D., Hampstead, North Carolina


Comic by Scott Nickel


Daffynition: Retreat — To get another piece of candy on Halloween.
Joke submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.


Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Joke submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Pam: What kind of phone do witches use?
Sam: What kind?
Pam: A touch-toad phone.
Joke submitted by Pam A., Wasilla, Alaska


Cresencio: What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Chris: What?
Cresencio: Spelling.
Joke submitted by Cresencio A., Norwalk, Calif.


Comic by Van Scott


Henry: What do you call a wolf that notices everything?
Mike: What?
Henry: Awarewolf.
Joke submitted by Henry N., Austin, Texas


Elizabeth: What is Dracula’s favorite sport?
Christian: What?
Elizabeth: Bat-minton!
Joke submitted by Elizabeth J., Sugar Land, Texas


Rhett: Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
Hank: No clue.
Rhett: Because they don’t have any organs.
Joke submitted by Rhett A., Louisa, Virginia


Jayden: What is a panda’s favorite Halloween food?
Cayden: What?
Jayden: Bam-BOO!
Joke submitted by Jayden V., Westerly, Rhode Island


Alex: Where do monsters get tattoos?
Liz: Where?
Alex: At Monsters Ink!
Joke submitted by Alex Y., Spring Grove, Illinois


DOWNLOAD A FREE POCKET JOKE BOOK!

Print and fold your own pocket joke book, filled with great Halloween jokes!
Download the joke book (PDF)
Folding instructions


Do you know a funny Halloween joke? Click here to send us your jokes.

Laugh at 4,000+ more funny jokes at jokes.scoutlife.org!

53 Comments on 101 Funny Halloween Jokes and Comics

  1. Boo for you. BOO!

  2. I love them.I told some to my family and they loved them.they all laughed

  3. haha – retreat. get it

  4. I’m gonna use some for my spooky birthday party!

  5. Doctorbanana // October 9, 2014 at 5:49 am //

    These are corny. But the good kind of candy corn

  6. nice!

  7. I like these jokes.

  8. These are pretty funny!

  9. OK, None of them actually made me laugh, but they are SUPER FUNNY

  10. EG Cub Scout // September 30, 2014 at 8:19 pm //

    Hahahaha Those are funny

  11. those are so funny

  12. These jokes made me crack up with the count spatula one there really funny

  13. smelly bum // March 18, 2014 at 3:31 am //

    Awsome jokes they even made me scream!!!

  14. I’m sorry to ask this but ” can I borrow your face for Halloween

  15. too good..i like them!!!

  16. Haha so funny jokes but their funny :))))

  17. SUPER FUNNY JOKES PEEPS

  18. ausome those jokes are crasy i like the first one

  19. Cat Lover // November 4, 2013 at 1:55 pm //

    They are OK. I understood 96.5 percent of the jokes.

  20. Thank you so much! I used some on Facebook and people enjoyed them!

  21. some are good but some are not that good

  22. Most of the jokes are LAME but some of them are AWESOME

  23. I love all of those funny jokes please post more of them

  24. I think that they are really good

  25. Halloweenlover609 // October 31, 2013 at 11:26 am //

    These jokes are good my fave was the vampires fave fruit necktarine

  26. Beastwhip // October 31, 2013 at 7:43 am //

    Happy Halloween every body unless you are a ghost

  27. cool

  28. Like them a lot. Haven’t heard some of them before

  29. They were Corny but still funny

  30. Every one who posted these is awesome

  31. Some are funny

  32. Ghoulish Commish // October 30, 2013 at 7:27 pm //

    Very funny. Happy Halloween !!!

  33. T183Scout // October 30, 2013 at 6:33 pm //

    hahaha…lol

  34. mynameiswhat? // October 30, 2013 at 4:37 pm //

    Some are stupid but some are actually funny!! If u thought they weren’t funny u obviously didnt get it

  35. Very funny !

  36. These jokes were pretty good! I like them!!!

  37. katiewatie10 // October 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm //

    not too funny but they will do i guess!

  38. Jollytrumbone // October 30, 2013 at 1:57 pm //

    I liked the : what do you call a vampie who lives in the kitchen

    Count spatula !!

  39. There awsome

  40. girly girl // October 30, 2013 at 10:18 am //

    funny

  41. I like the big one next to the photo. 🙂

  42. Not so funny

  43. so not funny.

  44. Kinda funny

  45. cool

  46. I really liked those jokes.When me and my sister did them we were laughing a lot. All of these jokes were really,really funny.We loved them.

  47. I love those jokes

  48. purlewolfblood // October 26, 2013 at 2:15 am //

    Good joke im using some fir halloween

  49. they are okay

Comments are closed.